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Managing High Maintenance People
We all have that one friend (just one if we’re lucky), who seems to attract drama no matter where they go.
These are the types of friends who call you in the middle of the day (or night, whichever is more inconvenient) to rant, or sob, or ask a favor of you that you can’t possibly refuse.
How dare we to choose movie night with our honey all the while knowing our friend has gotten rejected for the nth time by the same person. How dare we to choose sleep instead of bailing them out for whatever misdemeanor this time.
Heaven forbid, we put our own needs first, right?
But for some reason, we’re not always able to cut ties right away, no matter how inconvenient, annoying, and downright toxic it can get to stay in touch with these types of friends.
If you find yourself in this boat, here are a few ways to keep yourself and the friendship afloat:
Set boundaries
Sure, love should be unconditional and all that. But for your peace of mind, and also to teach them a little lesson on what really constitutes and ‘emergency’, you need to learn to set boundaries.
It’s because they don’t know how to manage themselves that they become too much to handle. Nobody puts their foot down and puts them in their place.
At least if you set boundaries like, telling them any calls after 12mn are subject to personal judgment whether or not it’s really an emergency, they’ll think twice before acting like an emotional lunatic on you just as you are about to get some much needed sleep.
You need to remind them that as much as you would want to be there for them in every capacity you can, you have your own life to live and you’re not at their beck and call.
This is also to protect loved ones like your partner and kids. You wouldn’t want your friend laying on the emotional blackmail so thick that it affects your other personal relationships.
Setting boundaries is healthy for all parties involved. You need to teach them how to be independent as well and to develop their problem solving skills.
Be (brutally) honest
People who are overly dramatic usually don’t fare well in subtle attempts to put them in their place. You need to condition yourself to be honest with them, to be upfront about their behaviour when it becomes too much.
As a friend, your initial reaction might be to ignore them or to tolerate them, but if you really want to do them a favor, you need to tell them when their actions are affecting other people negatively already or that they’re giving the wrong impression.
It will be hard for them to hear, or not, but the important thing is to do your part in letting them know they can’t always get away with their antics.
Remember the good
No matter how annoying they get, there’s still good left in them and a lot of good in the friendship. You might need to keep a mental file that’s easy to reach for in case you’ve forgotten why you’re still friends in the first place.
It can get really hard dealing with people who seem to drain you dry. But if they’re really important to you, the sacrifices are worth it. Remind yourself of the good times and how you’ve always managed to get through the bad ones together.
Spend less time with them
This goes hand in hand with setting boundaries. One of the reasons why you need to set boundaries is so that you free yourself from having to be at their side all the time, or all the time they need you.
While your intentions of staying friends with them may be noble, you need to remember that your need to stay sane tops that. If it’s generally not good for you, you stay away.
But because your love for them drives you to lean towards keeping the friendship, there are precautions or conditions you need to follow. Something toxic in small doses may be acceptable.
Take a look at this
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Kind regards,
Heather