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How to Control Your Anger
Anger is not wrong. It is a natural reaction to stressful situations.
It is an emotion, just like any other, and you can’t automatically control your emotions per se. Some people feel like failures every, time they don’t curb their anger, but the truth is, it’s normal to feel it, especially in reaction to something unfavorable.
There’s nothing wrong with letting yourself feel that emotion. The sooner you understand and accept that it’s natural and just part of the spectrum of emotions that humans experience, the sooner you can deal with it and learn to control it before it controls you.
So how do you begin to control it?
Don’t respond at the height of your emotion
When you have understood and accepted that anger is a natural reaction or response, the next thing you need to learn is that not every situation needs you to reply to it right away.
Give yourself time to digest what happened, let your mind filter your emotions, let your mouth stay silent, and let your heart steady itself.
Anger can sometimes be so intense that you are blinded by it momentarily and see nothing but your own emotions and feel the need to express them to rid yourself of these burdens.
You need to calm yourself down before doing anything.
Which brings us to….
Use The Right Words
When you have calmed yourself down, and everything begins to take focus again, now you can begin formulating your response to the situation.
Assess the situation, the strategy you need to approach it, then craft your sentences carefully in order to express and address your feelings and what has happened.
In the heat of the moment where you have been swayed by your anger, there’s a big chance that you have said something hurtful and rendered the situation stickier than it should be.
Don’t Blame Others
One of our first lines of defense is denial. When our brain denies our hand in something, it immediately goes to shifting blame.
Or if you’re more ‘humane’, you share the blame.
When we’re put on the spot, when the mistake is embarrassing, or when a lot is at stake because of our blunder, naturally we want to have nothing to do with it, even if we did.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, it’s not always easy to admit your mistake. But instead of starting with ‘It’s not my fault that…’ try saying ‘I’m sorry it seems like….’.
By being a little tentative with your sentence, you’re giving yourself the chance to slow down your mind’s instinct to lie under pressure or to blame someone else. This will give you the time to evaluate the situation and think of what’s less damaging to say.
Evaluate the Consequences of Your Action
Lastly, if you’re usually a man of reason, except when you’re angry, you will find it easier to control your emotions if you shift your mind’s focus on the future ramifications of the next words out of your mouth, or what you do next.
You know that what you’re feeling, no matter how intense, how true, and how right you may be, are temporary. But if you do something permanent in reaction to something temporary, you know you might end up regretting it.
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